Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Three links that make me smile

Support local artists! If you live in DC, check out Virginia Arrisuenos' handmade purses. They're Very Cool. Excellent Christmas gifts. Spread the word.

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This made me laugh.

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For a new perspective on a material Christmas: The Holiday of Stuff.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Advent and Tradition

I grew up in a Christian home, and went to church, and did Christian things, but the kind of denomination we tended towards was, how do you say...? Loose. It was of the "come as you are" variety. Jeans are appropriate for Sunday services. We met in strip mall churches. Relationship, not religion. Liturgy was eyed warily. We preferred projectors over hymnbooks. We worshipped as the Spirit led.

There's nothing wrong with that, and in fact, probably very many things right. But I never really knew about the more structured face of Christianity until I
1. Visited an Eastern Orthodox church and thought, what is with the icons and the ceremony? And then someone explained them to me. And
2. Visited Palestine/Israel: my inner (and unspoken) disdain at the gaudiness of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre was mildly rebuked by someone's words, "We Protestants might think this is gaudy... but remember that whenever God builds himself a house, He makes it pretty extravagant. Think about the Temple." Hmm. And
2. Went to college and met all these ... Catholics! And Episcopals! And people who knew about Lent! I didn't even know what Ash Wednesday was.

And occasionally I'd hear a snippet of older, non-American Christendom: a doxology, a hymn, a liturgical prayer, the Apostle's Creed, and I started to feel that there was a rich well of Christian history that I was somehow not a part of. I was always suspicious of the Catholics and their traditions, liturgy, religion. Episcopals, too. Excess ceremony! I think it had just been subtley instilled in me. Then I discovered G.K Chesterton, Catholic. St. Thomas More, Catholic. Tolkien, Catholic. C.S. Lewis, Anglican. Hmm.

I studied in Jordan in 2003 and happened to be there during the month of Ramadan. When people asked me, a Christian, about our religious traditions, I was a little stumped. We have Christmas, yes. And Easter! My favorite! Other than that, I said, we don't...really...do much. I mean, we're religious, but not...scripted. I noticed also that Arab Christians, those I worked with in Palestine and met in Jordan, seemed to have a better grasp on church history somehow, like they had found significance in tradition. Maybe they didn't focus on specifics, maybe they didn't know where the tradition came from, but it was there nonetheless.

I think we are a race of ritual. There is a reason we have seasons, feast days, holidays. Why shouldn't the church be the same? Why are we (many among us, anyway) so worked up over the fight for allowing Nativity Scenes in public places while forgetting the rest of the traditional church year? Christmas has been commercialized, of course (anyone up for another round of chesnuts roasting on an open fire...? Anyone?) but so what? Does that mean we can't celebrate the birth of Christ? And is Christmas itself the important thing, or is it the season as part of the church year? The fact that we have this specific time, each year, to focus on the observation of our faith? The Christian church has long used the seasons of the year as an opportunity for festivals and holidays, sacred time set aside to worship God as the Lord of life. It's deeper than just reading the Christmas story from Luke before you open your presents.

I'm not Catholic for a few reasons: transubstantiation and the exalted status of Mary, to name two. I think the Reformation was a great idea. Martin Luther was fantastic. But let's not throw the baby out with the bath water: hundreds of years of Church history has to count for something: another way to celebrate Jesus, another way to tell people about our faith, a deeper understanding of that great cloud of witnesses (Heb. 11:1.) Ritual is not always bad. Icons are not always idols. Liturgy is not always passion-less. They are but tools to focus your attentions on Him--tools that can be misused, of course, but you shouldn't shun something simply because it can be misused.



So what, you say? Yesterday was the beginning of Advent and the beginning, therefore, of the church year. I think I'll celebrate with others this year-or at least glean some insight from others observing Advent. Happy new year!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

In the "Um...duh..." Category

Obesity pills work best with diet and exercise. YES. REALLY. I know. I didn't believe it either.

Ever read Goodnight Moon as a kid? Well, the author smoked. He smoked! And there's a picture! Of him smoking! All the innnocent little kids who ever saw a picture of the author smoking are being ENDANGERED! We had better remove the offensive picture.

Please.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Things to Keep in Mind if you are Flying to Colorado for Oral Surgery

1. Even if you get up hours before sunrise and leave before 5 AM and catch the *very first* metro train of the day, you will still not get to the airport in time for your 6:30 AM flight.

2. If you do not catch your 6:30 AM flight, the lady at the Continental desk will accusingly inform you that you could have checked in online at home and saved some time. (This will not do you much good, since you are neither online nor at home, but standing in front of your gate looking at the plane you are supposed to be on.)

3. Do not think that the reason the pastries available at the coffeeshops in Reagan National Airport are stale is that you just got there too late to enjoy the fresh ones. No, even the pastries available before dawn are stale. And the coffee's no good, either.

4. If you get delayed in Houston, try the chorizo tacos at the fast food taco place in Terminal B. And the coffee. The coffee is good there.

5. It is nicer to fly through Atlanta than to fly through Chicago.

6. Delta airlines gives you a *choice* of snacks! Sometimes you can even choose TWO. And when you get a drink, they give you the whole can instead of just a little plastic cup! And they have lots of leg room.

7. If a dentist/orthodontist/prosthedontist/oral surgeon ever says that you are very nearly done with treatment, or you have only one more appointment, or that the whole process will be over in a certain amount of time, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. IT IS A LIE. Your treatment will NEVER, EVER be done.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

How could you stay inside when the outside looks like this?

East Coast in the Fall + Rock Creek Park + beautiful Saturday afternoons =





Tuesday, November 08, 2005

If it's on the Internet...

...it must be true: Mathematical proof that Bill Gates is the Antichrist.

He might be, or it might be Hillary Rodham Clinton. Heck, it might even be my own brother. The mathematical proof...well, it gets fuzzy sometimes. At least I can be sure it's not my mom.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Lattes make the world happier

It's almost time to start whistling Christmas carols: Starbuck's gingerbread latte has made its annual debut.

It's the only reason I ever go to Starbucks anymore, and I am not even ashamed to admit it, such is the wonder of this latte. Sometimes I even ask for whipped cream on it. Yes! Whipped cream! With sprinkles!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

How Not To Woo Fair Maiden

1. Start pillow-talking before you know her name and before there are even any pillows involved.
2. Ignore the fact that she has a boyfriend
3. Invite yourself over to her place
4. Invite yourself over to her place and tell her that you will permit her to make dinner for you
5. Invite yourself over to her place and tell her that she is also permitted to order out, if she doesn't feel like cooking.
6. Chalk up the fact that she ignored you for months to the simple fact of female forgetfulness.
7. Tell her that her religion, and by extension, she, is no fun.

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A few months ago I spent some time getting rid of a persistent admirer (and I use the term "admirer" loosely) at a certain place I like to dance. It started off innocently enough, because he was a good dancer, and I was having fun, as I do when I dance. We exchanged numbers, since we had known each other over the course of a few dance classes.

But later that night our "So, how long you been in DC?" evolved (or devolved) into (loosely recalled):

Him: You are so beautiful, I just cannot take my eyes off you.
Me: Ummm...Did I mention I'm seeing someone else?
Him: You are, like, the only person in the room. No one else matters!
Me: I think I have to go now.
Him: You do not want to take a chance with me?!
Me: No. (as I try to wiggle out from my chair and head for the door.)
Him: No, no, do not leave, here, I will go to your apartment with you.
Me: ...Um, no, you will not.
Him: I don't want to DO anything, you know, I just want to sleep holding you! I just want to get to know you!
Me: I like to get to know a guy over a cup of coffee, NOT by inviting him to my apartment when I don't even know his name. And not, for Pete's sake, by sleeping in the same bed. Good bye.
Him: You just don't take risks! You are missing out on life! You need to allow yourself to love!
Me: (leaves)

I shuld mention that somewhere in there he blamed my religious beliefs for the fact that I "don't know how to take risks!" To which I answered, "I lived by myself for 6 months in the Middle East. Don't talk to me about risks." (Never mind that those six months were conspicuously risk-free, it did shock him into silence.) The whole conversation took about 10 minutes, and my opinion of him went from "Nice guy, good dancer" to "Creep, I'm leaving."

The next day he called me and said, "I just keep thinking about you! I need to see you. I will come to your apartment tonight, and you can cook me dinner."

No, really, he said that.

And I shrieked, "What?! I will make YOU dinner?! If you're so keen on dinner, make your OWN dinner!" And then he says, "Well, you could order out! I don't know how to cook!" And I just...couldn't...fathom...so I said, "I am not having this conversation anymore." And I hung up. The next day he called again. I picked it up just so I could hang up on him again.

Three months later: last Monday. I run into him at a Halloween shindig. He approaches me and says (I am not making this up):

"I haven't seen you in so long! I thought you forgot about me!"
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Mister. I didn't want to sleep with you. I didn't give you my address or invite you to my place. I didn't even want to talk to you. I yelled at you over the phone. I hung up on you. Twice. I didn't call you. Ever. I. AM. NOT. INTERESTED.

I wonder if his method works on any other girls? Do girls really go home with strangers who say, "I just cannot take my eyes off you! Make me dinner!" Seriously, does this work for him? Because I don't know a single female soul who wants to hear that.

Turns out that he's a little notorious for being obnoxious. Turns out he uses that same line on a lot of girls. So seriously...does this work? Didn't he suspect that if you use the same line on every girl, eventually the girls TALK to each other and figure that out? Could I have been any more obviously not interested? IS THIS GUY FOR REAL?