GOALS.

One day in third grade, we had a lesson on GOALS, written boldly on the whiteboard in squeaky blue marker. “GOALS,” my teacher warbled, “are very important. You can’t accomplish anything unless you first establish some GOALS.”

I had never heard this, or if I had, I didn’t know that it was so terribly important. I knew that I certainly didn’t have any GOALS. I listened intently, trying to understand this important concept to which I had somehow never been exposed.

My teacher explained further. “You should be able to measure how far you’ve come in accomplishing your GOALS, to check your progress.” I understood this, ok, fine. “Now let’s everybody write down three long-term GOALS. Make sure you have checkpoints. The checkpoints are like mini goals, and every mini goal should lead up to your main GOAL. It’s good to have a checkpoint once a week or once a month, depending on how long your GOAL will take.”

I got out a fresh piece of paper, a sharpened pencil, and stared at my fingernails. My heart began racing and my face flushed in panic, as it always does when confronted with a task I have no idea how to complete. I had no GOALS! My third grade self couldn’t think of any thing I needed to set a goal for, especially not one that would take months to complete. A month in third-grade Catherine time was...well, it was impossible. I concentrated really hard, trying to think of something that I needed to improve about myself, something that would take a long, long time, like a month. Maybe I could make a GOAL to ride my bike faster. Or maybe I could make a GOAL to read more books. I recognized that both these GOALS were very silly and not really measurable, and it seemed like cheating to make a GOAL of something that I would do anyway, regardless of checkpoints.

I don’t remember what I wrote down for my goals, but I do remember that it was basically BS. It is the first time I remember making something up to accomplish a task, just because I knew that if I didn’t write anything down, I would get a bad grade, or, worse, come off as thinking that I was already perfect and didn’t need to set any GOALS. (Even at this age, I was aware that humility is a virtue that will always eventually work in your favor.) I was a good kid, and an impeccable student who got hot, sweaty palms if there was even a chance that I was unprepared for a class, an assignment, a presentation. (Until I got to college and realized that I could procrastinate and still get straight A's...) I was afraid my teacher would see that my GOALS were counterfeit, and then I’d have to admit that I had made them up, or that I didn’t really have any. I would have to think on my feet. I hate thinking on my feet.

But she didn’t see through my fake goals, and I’m sure no one ever thought about my GOALS after that day, but for the next few years I felt anxious dread whenever I thought about my lack of GOALS, because what if I never accomplished anything with my life because of my distinct lack of GOALS? Was I doomed to failure because I simply didn’t know WHAT to do? Did a successful person like the President make more GOALS as a third-grader than I did?

Clearly, I have accomplished some things in my life, whether or not I had clear GOALS: sometimes I did and sometimes I didn’t. Mostly, I think I trust my gut more than my to-do list and mostly, it works out, because my gut usually self-organizes and creates a mental to-do list which threatens me with that anxious dread if not immediately addressed.

And yesterday when I thought, “I really want to write a decent op-ed and get published somewhere,” my 3rd grade teacher’s thick, quivery voice echoed in my head: “You can’t accomplish anything unless you first establish some GOALS.”

So, internet, here’s my GOAL. It doesn’t have checkpoints yet, and I hope it won’t take months, but I intend to write more, an op-ed, to get into a newspaper or a magazine, something modest, but something I can use as a checkpoint for a grander goal, because seventeen years later my GOALS (always, always capitalized in my mind) are too numerous to mention, and some of the harder ones require some sort of published accomplishment. I want to improve my Arabic, become a *real* tanguera, keep a cleaner apartment and a stricter budget, go to Argentina and gradauate school, pray more, read more nonfiction, get published, write better poetry and more letters (combined, if possible), improve my photography, keep up my French, get a decent 6 pack or at least a 4 pack (don’t laugh), be a better sister, daughter, friend, girlfriend, neighbor...

You can be my checkpoint. Next time you see me, ask me how my GOALS are coming along. And when my op-ed is published, you can be sure it’ll be on this blog and you, my checkpoints, will receive due credit. Checkpoints really do make it so much easier.

The Price of Freedom is Eternal Vigilance

Most of you know, and some of you don't, that I come from a conservative background, where Republicanism was sort of assumed, not necessarily in my family, but definitely in the community. We were calm and had a general idea that we should let our political voices be heard, we should vote, we should make sure we voted for people with our values, but we were not a protesting people. We did not stream into the streets, we looked with disdain upon what we saw as brash, liberal, dangerous actions of the ACLU, we generally support authorities unless they were Really, Really Bad, bad enough to make you go against your religious beliefs, etc. It is my nature to protest, perhaps, by writing a letter to my congressman, and not much else. I am not an extremist. I (like most Americans, I think) believe profoundly in the self-correcting system of democracy: the pendulum will always swing back.

However, since moving to DC and becoming much more politically active, my attitude has changed. I have begun attending marches in protest of the war (some of my high school friends are shocked at this, I suspect...:) ), and especially in protest of the looming war with Iran, out of the simple conviction that our discontent with the current state of affairs needs to be seen in throngs of unhappy citizens on the streets. I have had for years now the vague sense that something isn't right with our democracy, but I didn't know what it was, and I didn't have the words, motivation, or education to really figure it out; nor did I really even believe there was something TO figure out.

On Monday I went to a book signing with Naomi Wolf, a Yale-educated writer whose latest book, The End of America is very easy to read, thorough, and short. It's the number 10 bestseller on Amazon, but she hasn't had any media requests to discuss her book on the major networks (unlike her first book, The Beauty Myth.)

The book is chilling. She researched 6 governments who have, in the last century, shifted from democratic open societies to fascist/dictatorial closed societies: 1930s Germany, Italy, Chile, China, etc. She found that there are 10 predictable steps in the blueprint of a fascist shift.

She found that the current state of American policy is lining up precisely with the blueprint. For example, the first step is to invoke an internal or external threat, real or invented, as a national unifier. The following steps are to establish secret prisons, a paramilitary force, to surveil ordinary citizens, restrict the press...

With just a little research, provided by Ms. Wolf, any ordinary citizen can see that this blueprint, which was effectively used by Stalin, Mussolini, Hitler, and other dictators and would-be dictators, is remarkably resonant with what is happening in American today. The secret prison and daily torture, legal or illegal, at Guantanamo, the case of Jose Padilla, the invoking of 9/11 and the "war on terrorism" to justify violations of civil liberties, the presence and continued growth of paramilitary forces such as Blackwater (a military force not held accountable to military law), the increased wiretapping, confiscation of normal citizens' computers, the orchestrated firing of journalists and university professors for disagreement with the administration, the coordination between the White House and the mass media (also see the book and/or film War Made Easy by Norman Solomon) the fact that the President can now deem anyone - including you or me - an "enemy combatant."

These things all upset me before, and I recognized them as infringements of our rights, but only when I saw it so clearly presented was I struck with the realization that they aren't individual freak occurrences, but could be the result of a master plan that could-and will--eventually result in a closed, dictatorial society. Of course, it's not a sure thing: this theory could be wrong. But examine the evidence, piece it together, and you find a dangerous trend: anyone in a place of power with enough smarts and menace could easily, easily, manipulate this situation and close the door on American society. As Ms. Wolf said in her talk, "Can anyone name a country that opened secret prisons that did not eventually become a dictatorial state? ... No one can, because there isn't one."

This is urgent: the pendulum may not swing back. It doesn't matter where you stand politically, it doesn't matter who you voted for, it doesn't matter what your religion, race, or creed is. It doesn't matter what you think of the ACLU or of Republicans or Democrats or liberals. This is about the whole of American citizenry. Please read her book, or at least the interview with buzzflash.com (which is basically what she said in her talk and is very thorough) and then that you do something with this information.

You can also visit www.americanfreedomcampaign.org to voice your commitment to upholding the constitution, petition the upcoming presidential candidates to uphold the constitution and be informed of upcoming events. It's a first step, and an important one. Because even if we're not on the edge of a totalitarian state, shouldn't we as Americans hold the government accountable for what makes America America? Shouldn't all detainees have the right to formal charges and a fair trial? Shouldn't we hold habeus corpus sacred for everyone, even suspected terrorists? Shouldn't we outlaw torture in ALL cases? Should there even be a debate about these fundamental rights?!

I have to take this seriously because the pieces fit together almost too beautifully for it to be a mistake.

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.